reminders and realities

resistance in the midst of toddler parenting

i must remember to dream
and stay connected to my imagination in a world where dreaming 
outside the white box has become dangerous

i must remember to wash all the bath toys
for tomorrow’s toddler shower

i must remember to hope
to hold on to possibility for better without feeling silly or naive
while the dumpster fires persist and multiply

i must remember to pack snacks 
for my child’s backpack for school tomorrow

i must remember to feel
to let the swirl of emotions i have to push down 
to get through paid work and big toddler feelings out
and let them move fully through my body, because i exist too 

i must remember to return their library books
and check every basket, bookshelf and under the couch 

i must remember to play 
beyond the play with my toddler and squarely focused on me
to reconnect to freedom, to wonder, to the simple and profound magic 
that comes with play

i must remember to schedule a play date
my child asked for last month

i must remember to laugh
to connect to the joy that still exists
the silliness that unexpectedly pops up in quiet moments
to feel my belly ache and hear the wheeze of uncontrollable laughter

i must remember to take in toys and clothes
to our secondhand kids clothes shop to get store credit for summer clothes

i must remember to build 
and keep creating and supporting spaces of connection, of hope, of support
that nurture the world i want to exist in, rather than the one 
trying to be shoved down our throats

i must remember to check their extra clothes bag 
in their school backpack and make sure it works for the weather this week

i must remember to act
to find the actions and ways i can show up in this season in my life
where my day is not my own, where a small human needs me
where popular ways to resist are off the table

i must remember to clear all the toys out 
from under the couch after bedtime

i must remember to gather
and connect with real people, to find that i am not alone in my struggles,
and the power that comes with saying “i don’t have it figured out either"

i must remember to wipe down the high chair
and get the two day old marinara stains off the side

i must remember to rest
to put the phone down and let my shoulders drop
let the air fully escape my lips
and feel my feet touch the ground

i must remember to get the water wow out of the trunk
fill the pen up with water, reunite it with the pad and return it to the backseat

i must remember to take it moment by moment
that while i hold and carry multitudes
being here, showing up, resisting how i can
is always enough

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May you have the space to feel, exist, rest, play, dream and exist, today and everyday (especially if you’re a parent).

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